sábado, 21 de junho de 2008

Válter

Cheguei em casa e ela estava lá, enxugando o nariz do cachorro. Levei alguns segundos observando-a com esmero, procurando alguma coisa – cabelos, boca, voz, costas, roupas – qualquer coisa que justificasse o sim que eu disse a ela dezenove anos atrás, numa igreja da qual nunca tinha ouvido falar. Ao fechar a porta do banheiro, ainda pude ouvi-la gritar com o cachorro, que fugiu para a tranqüilidade da cozinha:
- Se depois pegar uma pneumonia, não quero ouvir reclamação!
Demorei-me no banho mais que o habitual. Não estava muito interessado em olhar Elisa ouvindo aquele mesmo vinil da Gal enquanto fazia o jantar, portando sua cara de Amélia. E me sentia culpado por isso. Culpado por não agüentar mais o arroz carregado de alho da Elisa, o mesmo vinil da Gal, por odiar o jeito dela me chamar de “docinho” e segurar errado a colher. Há malditos dezenove anos.
Saí do banheiro, me vesti no quarto e fui dar na cozinha. Sem notar que eu me aproximava, Elisa gritou:
- Vai jantar, docinho?
- Válter – disse eu, pra nuca dela.
- Quê, amor? – ela disse, sem tirar o olho da panela.
- Meu nome. É Válter. Não “docinho” – falei em tom jocoso.
Elisa suspirou, virou em minha direção e disse, com um virar de cabelos que ela deve ter achado que a faria parecer resoluta:
- Eu te chamo assim desde que a gente começou a namorar, Vál-ter – revidou.

“Pois é. Esse é o problema”, disse eu. Na verdade, acho que só pensei, porque não teria coragem de dizer. E se disse, ela não ouviu. Bem sei disso porque, caso contrário, a panela já estaria no chão e o vinil da Gal teria sido arremessado em direção à minha cabeça assim que eu virasse as costas pra minha mulher irritante. Elisa sempre foi barraqueira.
Da sala, eu decidi apenas informar que não ia jantar. Precisei sentar na minha poltrona pra perceber que nosso cão tinha chegado primeiro. Tive um sentimento de solidariedade pelo bicho; vai ver ele também não agüentava mais a detentora da liberdade dele. Acabei botando-o no colo, num ataque de sentimentalismo – logo eu, que não só fui contra a aquisição do dito cujo como também sou alérgico a pêlo canino. Adormecemos juntos, eu e ele, e ele deve ter percebido e estranhado meu estado de carência, porque eu acordei com o solavanco causado pelo seu pulo em direção ao solo.
Resolvi ler o jornal. “Dois em cada três casamentos resultam em divórcio após quinze anos”. Faz sentido.

Grávida. Ela estava grávida quando nos casamos. Sim, bem lembro. Ouvi Elisa no telefone ao fundo:
- Não... Você disse isso a ela? Nã... Eu sei, filho, mas isso desestab... Desestabiliza a... Eu sei, meu amorzinho. Volte pra casa, pode voltar. Quando quiser. Tem almoçado? Responda você. Tem almoçado direitinho? Junior, você estava muito magrinho na última foto que você me... Mas já?! ‘Tá bom, filhinho, mas me deixe o número do seu hot... Tudo bem, tudo bem. Mamãe te ama, meu amor. Fica com De... Alô, Junior? Junior?

É bem difícil lembrar que você é pai quando o filho mora fora do país há dois anos, com uma mulher que você não conhece e você nunca sabe a localização exata dele porque o louco vive viajando pelo mundo. A mãe dele é outra que acha lindo ele ser um “andarilho”. Acende uma vela pra ele todos os dias. Eu não acho lindo. Acho muito mais bonito ter um sofá de couro de bicho do que rodar o mundo tentando salvar os ditos. É claro que Elisa não entende. Ela diz que eu tenho que apoiar o menino. É fácil falar. Ele herdou essa coisa natureba da mãe, uma chatice. Eu devia ter casado com a arquiteta que o papai me empurrava, não com a hippie tresloucada que era a Elisa.
Quando vi, lá estava ela na porta.
- Vamos à missa.
- Você vai, suponho.
- Não, docinho. Nós vamos. Você precisa tirar esse encosto de você.
- Elisa, a última missa que eu fui foi a da primeira comunhão do Júnior. Aquela que ele vomitou a hóstia no pé do padre. Eu não gosto de missa. Nunca gostei. Eu não vou à missa. Vou ficar aqui, lendo.
Elisa desembestou.
- Tá vendo? É por isso que as coisas não vão pra frente com a gente. Eu tô aqui tentando salvar nossa relação, você é sempre tão difícil com esse seu arzinho de só faço o que eu quero, eu to cansada disso, ouviu bem, Válter?, tudo bem, você não quer ir, não vá, não vou mais te pedir, fica aí, fica, pode ficar, eu vou pra igreja salvar minha alma, a sua já está entregue as forças do mal, por que você permite isso, Válter, POR QUE VOCÊ PERMITE?!
E saiu batendo a porta. Enquanto eu tentava metabolizar todas as informações sem pausa que minha mulher cuspiu sobre mim, devo ter dormido de novo. Acho que sim, porque quando me dei conta, uma horda de velhinhas com vestidos floridos horrendos estava em minha casa, com pratinhos de comida (“na poltrona não, minha senhora”) e livretos com santos na frente.
- Docinho, trouxe minhas amigas aqui pra gente rezar o terço junto. Aí, a gente já faz um lanche depois. Bondade das meninas. Ele tá mesmo precisando rezar. Viu, amor? Vamos rezar, vai ser bom. Tem orelhinha, você gosta. Não, pode deixar aí em cima, pode deixar. Vamos, amor, fazer uma roda?
Ai.
Depois do que me pareceu uma eternidade (por que é que rola aquele apertãozinho na mão quando acaba o Pai Nosso?), lá iam as velhinhas embora, todas serelepes depois do encontro com o Divino. “Deus te crie”, “Deus te acompanhe”, “Deus te dê juízo”.Elisa parecia bem satisfeita com sua proeza. E eu, com vontade de encher Deus de porrada.


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